Flirting - What the heck is that?

You see her, you talk, you are up close and suddenly there are these uncontrollable feelings you may describe variously as a thrill, twinge, pang, throb,wrench, itch, pricking, chill, glow, load, qualm,hankering, curdling, sinking, tension, gnawing,or shock. These are the descriptions of the sensation felt by the emotional experience of flirting. The inner experience is one of being moved, touched, affected, filled, racked, inflamed, consumed and stirred.  Both sexes love it!

You know what if feels like:
1) Excitement
2) Fun and playfulness - a shared experience
3) Puts this wierd smirk on your face
4) Forces you to move your body around the space of the other person.
5) Connection
6) Turns you on


When I flirt with a woman I feel all of these and the growing desire to have sex with her but this 'growing desire' is actually  a range of emotions that are both shared and private. What's shared is a palpable sense of play and  I feel like almost laughing when I can detect that her own desire is increasing.   Why is  it so much fun?  It's like we are playing a secret game together and I think that's the key: togetherness. There are all these similar feelings shared between the us and this causes the attractiveness already there to be amplified.

Does flirting work. You bet. Here's what Time Magazine says
Research suggests that women who are ovulating are more attracted to flirty men. "The guys they find appealing tend to have characteristics that are attractive in the short term, which include some flirtatious behaviors," says Jeffry Simpson, director of the social psychology program at the University of Minnesota. He's not sure why women behave this way, but it follows that men who bed ovulating women have a greater chance of procreating and passing on those flirty genes, which means those babies will have more babies, and so on. Of course, none of this is a conscious choice, just as flirting is not always intentional. "With a lot of it, especially the nonverbal stuff, people may not be fully aware that they're doing it," says Simpson. "You don't see what you look like. People may emit flirtatious cues and not be fully aware of how powerful they are." 'Why We Flirt. (cover story) By: Luscombe, Belinda. Time, 28/01/2008, Vol. 171 Issue 4, p62-65, 4p,


But what is flirting really? Here's what Wikipedia defines it as:

The act of flirting is non-physical sexual communication where two people negotiate their attraction to each other through body language and verbal tactics. It consists of a sequence of reveals and challenges that serve to communicate , test, and amplify attraction. Revealing attraction is accomplished primarily through body language (hair flicking, eye contact, brief touching etc.) and vocal tone (pace, tone, intonation). Challenges (teasing, questions, qualifying, fake disinterest) serve to test intention and congruity.

Should people already in a relationship flirt? Yes, says the experts.

"It's dangerous, it's wrong--it's the gateway act to cheating. In fact, to some, it is cheating. But the truth is, a little innocent flirting with someone other than your steady can have serious relationship benefits.

First of all, the ego boost you get from flirting with someone new can make you feel as sexy as you did when you and your guy first got together. "Over time, couples get so used to each other, they become complacent," says Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D., a psychologist in Los Angeles. "Flirting with other people brings out the 'Wow!' factor again. It reignites your sexiness and boosts your confidence." The key is that you share the benefits: "You can take that sexy energy home to your husband and use it in the bedroom," says Thomas.

What's more, if your guy bears witness to another man showing some flirtatious interest in you now and then, that's not always a bad thing. "A little jealousy is like a wake-up call," says Ted Huston, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of When the Honeymoon Is Over: Wily Some Marriages Succeed and Others Fail. "It reminds you of how lucky you are to have what you have."

Spencer, Amy. "how lying, flirting (with someone else!), & fighting can make you closer." Redbook 207.5 (2006): 182-186. UK/EIRE Reference Centre. EBSCO. Web. 7 Dec. 2010.